What I would have missed

Time is fleeting. I try to grasp at it.

To hold it closely. To memorize what each of the kids are like right now. Knowing that in a month, a year, ten years I won’t be able to quite pinpoint what it felt like to feed Marilyn a night night bottle. To rock her & get cozy with Abby & have her sweet kisses. To have your little boy tell you {in public, in front of friends} how much he loves you. To hug each of the kids. To hear their chatter. It will all evolve to something new, something equally delightful. Equally delightful but profoundly sad. To know that those moments are gone, only alive in blurry, ephemeral and disjointed memories. What mother wouldn’t give anything to hold each of her newborn babies one more time? To spend an hour with the two year old version of her almost kindergarten-aged boy?

  - Newborn Marilyn & Toddler Marilyn

I know this when I look at Marilyn and see a walking, babbling toddler. An almost 14 month old tornado that delights my soul. I look at the calendar and think back on this last year as a stay-at-home Mom, and I realize what I would have missed with the three of them. Walks to the playgrounds & sledding hill. Lunch at home everyday with Daddy. Trips to the library & indoor playground. Quiet morning snuggles, nursing naps & afternoon snacks.

  - Newborn Abbigail & Preschooler Abbigail

I'm so grateful that I have had the opportunity to be at home for Abby to encourage her words, bring her to speech therapy, and watch her blossom into the spunky, funny, sensitive, strong-willed little girl that she is.  This just might have been the most important year of her life so far.  And I have been witness to it all.

 - Newborn Thomas & {almost} Kindergartner Thomas

And for Thomas.

This year has been one filled with learning to be a new big brother again, making new friends in a new place and experiencing a lot of firsts (snow, sledding, snowshoeing, big wildlife).

It has been so much fun to hear his stories & imagination run wild.

To watch him shine & be so proud, but to also to have open arms when he needs a hug & kiss and a reminder of how much he is loved.

In this last year, I wonder if I would have had the connection to my children that I do if we had moved up here to Alaska and just jumped right into a new teaching job?  I’m certain I would have. But when I think about all of the moments I would have missed, that would have been compacted into evenings and weekends, I know we made the right choice for me to stay at home with the kids this last year.

I will be back in the classroom eventually, but until then...

I'm making sure that I'm not missing any more of our moments together.