Friday, April 11, 2014

Underwear rules

Let me start by saying that my kids have a ton of underwear.  Period.  Got that?  Always.  That is nonnegotiable.  There is always clean underwear in their dresser drawer.  OK, now the story.

I'm folding laundry yesterday in the middle of the family room floor.  First I do Abby's clothes and put them away.  Then I do Thomas' clothes.  There are various piles of clean clothes - PJs, shirts, pants, shorts, socks, etc - all around me.  As I stand up to then combine everything into one large pile to carry down to his room to put away, I realize that there is a missing pile from his load of laundry.

Me: Thomas, there was no underwear in this load of laundry I just did for you. 
T: Hmm. (with a shoulder shrug)
Me: Where are all of your underwear from the last 5 days?
T: (No answer... just his eyes searching left and right for some logical answer)
Me: Let me rephrase that for you - have you been changing your underwear each night before you put your PJs on and then each morning when you get dressed?
T: Well... no.
Me: (In complete and utter shock) Have you changed your underwear at all this week, Thomas Joe?
T: Once.
Me: (Looking back at Brian who has practically fallen off the couch in laughter but fighting to not show it and picking up my own mouth that has clearly dropped open and is sitting on the floor) Let me get this straight... you have only changed your underwear one time this entire week?
T: Umm, yes.
Me: Why on earth would you do that?
T: So I could be quicker getting 'jammied up at night and dressed in the morning.  I just want to be faster at doing that.
Me: So you thought if you didn't have to change your underwear, that would save you time?
T: Yep, you got it (nonchalantly, going back to working on a word puzzle).
Me: For the love of God, don't do that anymore Thomas!  Gross is an understatement right now.  Matter of fact, I can't even continue this conversation right now... go put some clean underwear on right this minute so you have a clean butt!

This is reason #4,924 that boys are indeed dirtier than girls are.
This is yet another example of why I have gray hair but also an example of why my kids are so freak'in funny each day.  Seriously... the kid thought it was OK to wear dirty underwear for days.
Underwear rule #1 - Change it at least once per day.

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