Wednesday, June 12, 2013

My not-so-transparent traits

I've worn a lot of different hats and have been given many different names in my lifetime thus far.  Mommy, wife, teacher, daughter, sister, coach, soccer player, student and friend are the ones that come to mind.
All of them, I am/was proud to be.  They are part of my identity.  They will forever be part of what has made me the person who I am today.

Like so many of us, I try to be a better person every day that passes.  Some days are easier than others.  I know that being a Mommy to three precious and wonderful children has made my heart grow and has taught me so many life lessons.  And motherhood most certainly has changed my perspective on almost everything. Mostly for the better.  I also know that loving my husband and having that same unconditional love given back has made my heart stronger and more full than I had ever imagined possible. 

With all of that said though, I have a lot to work on with myself.  Like so many of us, I'm someone who reflects often on how I act, how I respond to people, how I can make myself a better person and to be frank... what my faulty and not-so-transparent traits are.  The honest truth is...
  • I hold an enormous grudge.  If someone has seriously crossed me personally or burned a bridge with me, I have a difficult time moving past it.
  • When someone talks about just themselves or just their daughter/son and doesn't ask questions back on a normal basis, it is such a turn off.  It seriously makes me NOT want to have any kind of conversation with them.  And I go out of my way to avoid them.
  • When I get angry and upset, I yell.
  • When I get angry and upset, I cry.
  • I am a closed-off person.  I keep feelings to myself in part because I am overly emotional.
  • I'm also overly critical.
  • I can be spiteful and I do it well. I have to work hard to not do it because it comes so naturally to me.
Don't get me wrong, I know full and well that I am a good person, a loving mother and that I have a big open heart.  But there are days and weeks that go by that I am reminded that in order to be a better person, I have to reflect and be really honest about what's inside me and what makes me tick.  And tock.
You know, the not-so-transparent traits.
Not all of it is good and I'm a work in progress, for sure.

No comments: