Heavy Hearts

I wanted to write last night to clear my head (Truthful Tuesdays), but I was numb with hurt and my eyes were too red and blurry from crying.  So, instead... I went to bed.  Let me explain:

Ziggy, our beloved 4-legged, 6-year old sweetie, has been experiencing some sort of problem with his ankle and right leg now for upwards of 6 weeks and we have recently taken him to the vet a few times to have him examined. At first, the doctor (along with us) thought that Zig had a sprain. However, the swelling continued and his limping didn't really subside even with pain medication. In the last 2 weeks, Zig has gotten a few x-rays of his leg and results showed some deterioration of his back ankle bone. It was very clear on that x-ray that all was not right and we weren't dealing with just a sprain. The doctor also took a sample of the inflamed area and sent it off for testing. His pain meds continued and the vet prescribed some additional meds for a possible infection of his hind leg bone. Meanwhile, we waited for his test results that were sent away for analysis.

Late last week, the results came in. The results showed a worst case scenario. Zig has a tumor on his back right leg.  The results highly suggest an osteosarcoma cancer - a fairly aggressive type that not only eats away at the living and good bone, but causes the bone to weaken, become more painful, and ultimately break.  Our vet recommended that we have a chest x-ray done to see if the cancer had spread to Zig's chest/lungs (which is quite common) and would be another indicator of his health.

The results from his chest x-ray came in on Monday afternoon - Zig is not good. Although the chest x-ray was clear of any indication that the cancer had spread to his chest/lungs, it is very aggressive and eating away at his good bone in his back hind leg. He is in pain, and although he wags his tail & shows us the Ziggy we know and love, it just is inevitable. The doctor gave us the prognosis about each of the options we have at this point (amputation and/or chemotherapy and/or comfort care pain meds) and what his life expectancy could be. The bottom line is it is not good at all.  The thing about canine cancer is it is different than when a person gets a form of cancer.  With people, the goal is to fight it and be cancer-free.  With dogs, there is no cure.  The course of medical action taken is basically to alleviate the pain the dog is going through, but eventually the cancer will win.

Our priority with Zig is not letting him suffer. That is the last thing we want for him.  We both know what this means and in our heart of hearts, we know what decision has to be made in the very near future to ensure that he is not suffering any longer. 
Brian and I have had many difficult nights of just talking through things (while crying of course). We have some seriously heavy hearts right now. Please just say a prayer for Zig.  Obviously this breaks our heart. This is hitting too close to home with what happened with Booker almost 4 years ago. We found out much too late with Booker that his cancer in the skull and brain had progressed far too fast.
I think about our children not growing up with Zig and my heart just hurts. Both Brian and I are hurting as we think through this. We want him around as long as possible, but of course, we do not want him to be in pain or suffer. It's hard not to look at him and wonder how much pain he is in at each moment.